Barb’s note: It seems that we are surrounded by psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths in both our private and public lives. All of these terms describe people who have no conscience, empathy or remorse. Predators.
The following is one woman’s experience with this type of personality. Following her story is a video describing these aberrant individuals in public life, which is all too common. One does not win when dealing with these people. No change for the better can be expected. They are simply not capable of it.
To understand what is going on in this world, we need to understand the type of people instigating the chaos. These are people who will poison the world and the inhabitants thereof for profit without a care and state unequivocally that they are “saving the planet.”
Desiree D. Peterson
In the Clutches of a Narcissist
It’s so twisted how they manipulate us to bond with them with intentions of only crushing our spirits.
I read an article recently on the frog in boiling water, which explained exactly how it felt, only with a different twist.
Consider allowing someone to cradle your very heart, the actual organ, in his hands because he convinced you that it was the best thing for you and it was right.
Imagine him holding your heart ever so gently and tenderly in his grasp for a long time. “Protecting” it. Keeping it “safe.” Then slowly, he starts to squeeze. So slowly that you don’t realize it. You just feel shorter of breath, like your chest is heavy.
There is a huge weight on you now and you don’t know why. When you ask him why you are feeling this way, he looks you in the eyes so deeply and convinces you that it’s your own fault or that it’s all in your head.
Telling you he is not squeezing your heart, as he squeezes it tighter. Then tries to convince you that you need help, but doesn’t believe in any of the help that might cure you.
He tells you how much he loves you and has plans for having a picture perfect family. He tries to remind you of
“how it used to be…”
and coyly throws in things like
“before you did…”
“before this person came into to our lives…”
“before you got this friend… this job…etc…”
“but remember how much we love each other? Never mind the names I just called you and how I played on all of your insecurities to throw them in your face…”
“and just remember what we “love” about each other…“
He has you tell him ten things that you love about him. This feeds him. Then it’s supposed to be his turn. But he only names physical things – the obvious, or copies what you said. This is because guys like him don’t have an original idea in their heads. They’re straight up copy cats and try to play like they’re the best ever.
Eventually he coaxes you into reminiscing about the good things of the past.
He squeezes tighter when he asks you “why can’t you just be happy?”
If you are a strong willed woman, not someone who thinks it’s just easier to try to “get along” and please your master, then you will catch on eventually.
But then it’s tricky because you love him. He doesn’t know how that feels. But you do. So you want to fix it. Save it. So you do everything in your power to “fix you” and what’s wrong with you. But he doesn’t change.
He squeezes harder because he feels his grasp of control slipping as you are awakening.
You are the person who wants to make things right. He knows that, but will still tell you that you are wrong. Your still not doing things right. “Why can’t you just be a good wife, mother, person?”
He squeezes even harder.
Your chest now hurts daily and you feel physically ill. Because stress can take a toll on the body no matter how young you are.
You try to find time for yourself but he’s catching on. He doesn’t want you to have enough time to actually process what’s really going on. So he invades all of your boundaries. You now can’t even go to the bathroom without him exploiting you in any way possible. Even if it’s to tell your children he doesn’t know why you always have to do this…..insert blame here…..
He squeezes more.
You try to confront him about his behavior and hope he realizes how much he is hurting you. But he laughs in your face and mocks you. Even when you have tears streaking down your face he mocks you.
He tells you that words are just “sticks and stones,” then turns it around on you that you’re now causing a fight. “Why can’t you just be happy?”
He squeezes until you find it hard to breathe. Then releases just a tiny bit to remind you of how it used to be. To reminisce again. Tears streaking down your face, eyes swollen from crying so much. He kisses you and tells you how beautiful you are when you cry.
That’s when you realize he is enjoying every bit of this.
Your fight or flight instincts kick in. You realize the only way you will survive is by getting out and away from him. You think, “if I leave maybe he will realize what he did wrong.”
As you carefully plan your escape, your heart is now bleeding all over the floor.
He squeezes harder and harder because you are slipping away.
The moment he realizes you are done, if he does, he practically forces you to leave by being extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative. Pulling you and pushing you at the same time.
Confusion.
When your heart finally bursts from all of the pressure of being inside his grasp, He discards you. Telling you to leave, telling you that he doesn’t want you anymore, like a toy he’s done playing with. And when you leave, he pays no mind to it. He cuts you off from all contact with him.
He makes you feel worthless, undesired, unwanted, unloved, and abandoned.
And blames you for it.
Even after realizing all of this, it’s been three years and I still find myself getting entangled in arguments on the phone that he runs in circles because I actually have feelings. So I get mad while he laughs, then tries to redirect me.
Every day is a struggle. I have to be stern and actually discipline myself to not engage in any sort of conversation with him. I still fail at that because it’s hard to not communicate with someone you share your children with.
I’m still learning how to not allow myself to care so much about him. It’s hard though. Because I took my heart back.
©2016 Desiree D. Peterson
Tags: abuse, desiree d peterson, Farm Wars, farmwars, life, musings, narcissism, psychopaths, sociopaths
over the past 10 years i have read all of Sheridan’s books and watched all of his videos on the subject.
Over the past year or so I discovered the “Thrive After Abuse” youtube site. I have found this website to be very help in dealing with the past present and future effects of relationships with psychopaths
https://www.youtube.com/results?sp=EgIQAQ%253D%253D&q=thrive+after+abuse
the “red flag ” series is particularly good.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=thrive+after+abuse+red+flags
i have found that healing happens slowly but surely when i set and KEEP strong well-outlined boundaries and keep as much distance from the abuser as possible.