Barbara H. Peterson

Farm Wars

This is a tale of two hustlers, out to make a buck as best they can. The names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

I meandered out to the barn the other morning to take a long-needed trip to town for supplies, when I discovered that my truck would not start. I tried everything, including jumping up and down and demanding, in a not so subtle voice, start beast!!! Nothing seemed to work. So, as a last resort, I called the local yokels to come take a look. And look they did.

Jack took a long look then called his buddy Meoff. They circled the truck, hemmed and hawed, then hemmed again, and stated quite confidently, we can fix this! I was overjoyed. My truck will live!

So Jack told Meoff to fiddle with this and fiddle with that, spray this and spray that, throw this away and stick that on, and lo and behold, the truck started up. The two heroes for a day exclaimed in unison, “Praise God!,”collected the money and drove off down the driveway.

The next morning I went out to start the truck and take my trip to town, knowing that I would be successful. I jumped in, turned the key, and the beast refused to turn over. I shed a tear and went in the house to call the two local yokels again.

They rushed on over and circled the truck again. After another long round of hemming and hawing and hemming again, they declared that this needed a bit more thought, but they could fix it in a jiffy. So Jack ordered Meoff to jump on in the engine compartment and turn this and twist that, then to hop on out and crawl under the beast at which point I heard some loud banging noises and a few grunts and groans. Then Meoff emerged victoriously shouting “It’s done! Start the beast!” And it started. Again, the two heroes for the day exclaimed in unison, “Praise God!,” collected the money and drove off down the driveway.

The next morning I was certain the truck would start, so I confidently hopped in, turned the key, and nothing. Not even a whimper. And then it hit me. I just didn’t understand the language. Evidently “We can fix this!” means “We want you to believe we can fix this so that we can collect the money and go grab a beer at the local pub.” And “Praise God” means “Thank God we found another patsy who actually believes that we know what we are doing so that we can collect the money and go grab a beer at the local pub.”

So, after all of this, just what have I learned? That it’s important to understand the language spoken by the natives of the area in which you live, or you just might get a taste of what it feels like to be serviced by Jack ‘n Meoff.

©2016 Barbara H. Peterson

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3 Responses to “Jack ‘n Meoff, the Con Job Twins”

  1. Vincent says:

    Still Hilarious!

  2. Vincent says:


  3. Abe says:

    So True!!